September 15, 2006
The View
Once upon a time, there was a well respected and mighty Queen of the mighty media kingdom of ABC who, after assessing the television landscape, determined that daytime TV needed a change. So, this well-thought-of and mightily respected Queen brought forth her wonderful idea for a women’s daytime television program to the peasants.
There was great rejoicing.
Very soon, all of the empire felt a tingly sensation as the mighty Queen launched the wonderful women’s program with a special kind of “View” of the world.
The census officials tallied the peasant’s reactions and it was clear: “This ‘View’ reveals our world clearly and we like what we see!”
Over the years, the Queen invited special ladies to grace the Queen’s TV court. A few were chosen to become official Princesses of “The View.” They grew in popularity and more and more peasants watched with delight. Sadly, one princess lost much weight in the eyes of the Queen and plans were made for her exile (for reasons the peasants later read about in the Magazine of the People).
The Queen, in all of her wisdom (of which there was much because, after all, the wonderful women’s daytime television program was her idea), entreated a new princess to join the court to replace the one who lost weight… but it would be done in secret and would take time.
Meanwhile, yet another Princess of “The View” was wooed away by another mighty kingdom, named NBC, to become queen of the Morning, since their queen ran-off for greater power as queen of the Evening at yet another media kingdom, CBS.
Now with two of the princesses gone, the Queen had to accelerate her plans to install the new princess to help continue the wonderful daytime television program.
Sadly, the Queen’s choice turned out to be not-so-rosie.
The new, not-so-rosie Princess of The View (well, her highness disliked being likened to a “Princess” as evidenced by her blathering speech before the court) caused a mighty uproar.
“The peasants are revolting!” reported the census officials.
“Of course they are!” said the not-so-rosie Princess. “Besides, aren’t these radical, Christian miscreants the same kind of cold-blooded killers that the oft-misunderstood (yet nonetheless rabid and homicidal) Muslim killers (that “allegedly” forced two of our castle towers to fall) seem to be?”
The peasants were revolted.
Alas… the once-revered Queen now finds herself in a quandary: “Should I keep the not-so-rosie Princess in order to save face with the one who lost weight in my sight? Or should I listen to the rabble-rousing peasants (who pay my bills) and kick this insensitive, intolerant, loud-mouthed, over-the-top, out-of touch and not-so-rosie Princess out of the court so that the wonderful “View” of the kingdom may continue?
The peasants watch as the Queen considers her decision.
As do we.