September 24, 2006
An Open Letter to His Excellency, President Chavez of Venezuela
Dear Hugo,
May I call you "Hugo?" Well, (oh hey, did you know that there’s a town in Oklahoma named, “Hugo?” Do you have kin there? My wife does…) anyway, Hugo, I really appreciated your visit to our country. Your performances were more fun to watch than those sketches poking fun at President Bush on Saturday Night Live (which was timely because the show was a re-run this week and, after all, Will Forte does a lousy George Bush so it’s never really that funny).
(I mean, really, it hasn’t been the same since Will Farrell handed “the President” off to Darrell Hammond awhile back. Man, did you ever see those shows? The E! cable network is running a series called, The Top 101 SNL Moments [or something like that] and you should watch it.)
Anyway, Hugo, I loved the part where you called President Bush “the devil” and said that you still smelled sulfur at the podium as you spoke before the General Assembly of the United Nations. LOL -- That was funny! You are such a cut up and I know the few who stayed for your performance were not disappointed.
Hugo, I really enjoyed it when you and Danny Glover took your show to the church in Harlem. Wow... that was great. (Hey… maybe you could do a movie with Mel Gibson too?! Now, I should warn you, folks I know who know Mel tell me that he’s really not an anti-Semite, so don’t get your hopes up.)
Anyway, it was really sweet how you visited the economically disadvantaged of New York and offered oil from your company, Citgo (you know, there’s a Citgo in our neighborhood!). I know you have experience with abject poverty since about 80+% of your subjects are considered to be wallowing in poverty. (Do they get low-cost to no-cost oil too?) I know that as the world’s 5th leading producer of oil, you’re “swimming” in it!
Suffice it to say that your offer to the folks in Harlem was a nice gesture because I know you have so many poor, disenfranchised and struggling people in your country who deserve it so much more than we do. You certainly had them “eating out of your hand,” or, at least, “pumping out of your oil wells!” (And hey, if you have any discount gas coupons that I can use at my neighborhood Citgo, send them on because I’d rather go there than to continue buying gas from that other “devil,” Exxon!) (Hey… maybe you can use that in your act? You should, because Saturday Night Live will use it if you don’t!)
Ok, I’m not the comedian that you are but, oh! that line about how Bush would kill you for calling him the devil? That was precious. Your timing is awesome.
Now, Hugh (oh heck, let's call you "Hugh" because we we did have that hurricane named "Hugo" long ago and don't want to equate you to the total destruction it brought and all), I do want to apologize for some of the reactions that a few of our officials had to your act. Nancy Pelosi and Charles Rangel apparently do not have the same keen sense of humor as do most of us here in the ol’ “Land of the Free.” I'm not surprised because Nancy and Charlie have comedy shows of their own and have called the President much, much worse. Frankly, I think they’re jealous, so don’t let that bother you.
Well, I guess that's all I have to tell you for now. Good luck with your comedy show. Hope you do well with it.
Oh… one suggestion: Maybe you should do a show for Fidel? He’s not been feeling well and you know how “a merry heart doeth good as a medicine…” not that I’m trying to be religious by quoting the Bible and all… it’s just that you seem to know about the “God thing” with your “devilish” comedy!
Sincerely,
jps
P.S. I know that your Foreign Minister had that little trouble at JFK airport where he was detained. It really was because he didn't follow standard diplomatic protocol. Also, you probably heard that we were attacked in New York a few years ago and that our airport procedures have radically changed. Anyway... I don't think it was because of your jokes.