Pine Nut Conspiracy

Am I imagining things, or has the proportional representation of pine nuts in American Airlines' warm, nuts mixture gone way, way up lately?

On those blessed but all too rare occasions when I get upgraded to First Class on American Airlines, we're usually treated to a highball glass of warm salted nuts--a mixture of almonds, cashews, filberts, pecans and a sprinkling...a sprinkling mind you, of pine nuts.

Well on my last few flights, the pine nuts seem to have pretty much taken over the joint. This cannot stand.

God created pine nuts to be a supporting player, not the star of the show. If a good nut mixture is the movie Young Frankenstein, then the pine nuts are Inspector Kemp, the constable with the wooden arm. Funny and interesting, but not a character that could carry the entire movie.

The Hanger Reopens

Shortly after I declared The Hanger "back from the dead," it died. To be more accurate, it went off line for a bit due to technical difficulties too arcane and esoteric for me to comprehend. Nevertheless, after some repairs we've rolled the big hanger doors open once more. Thanks for your patience, and your patronage.

When Celebs Opine, Pt. II

So I head over to The Huffington Post to see what all the fuss is about.

Scrolling down the list of posters I see most of the usual suspects. Larry Gelbart (wrote the M.A.S.H tv series); Bill Maher; Gary Hart; Rob Reiner; Larry David (wrote the Seinfeld series); and so forth, all sharing their wit and wisdom.

The presence of one name surprised me. There was sportcaster Jim Lampley, offering a post titled nothing less grandiose than "The Biggest Story of Our Lives." "Wow," I thought. "Who'd have imagined that the guy who covers boxing for HBO and swimming for NBC during the Olympics would be the guy to bring us "The Biggest Story of Our Lives?"

What is this big story? That President Bush stole the election through the insidious machinations of Karl Rove. That's right.

Lampley knows it's true, too. How? Because...

"At 5:00 p.m. Eastern time on Election Day, I checked the sportsbook odds in Las Vegas and via the offshore bookmakers to see the odds as of that moment on the Presidential election. John Kerry was a two-to-one favorite. You can look it up."

Ahhh, I see. It's all so clear to me now.

Honestly, I wish I had never seen that blog post. I've always enjoyed Lampley's work as sportcaster. But from now on, everytime I see his face on my television, I'll see block letters on his forehead spelling out the word I M B E C I L E. And that will be hard to ignore.

This is precisely why celebrities should limit their crazed rantings and inane holdings-forth to those cocktail parties where everyone agrees with one another and no one even knows anyone who voted for Bush.

Out here in fly-over country, it's making it hard to take them seriously while they do their day job.

When Celebs Opine, Pt. 1

James Lileks has called it "a 48-car celebrity pile up." He's talking about Arianna Huffington's new internet blog site for the rich and famous, called "The Huffington Post."

Here's the organizing thought behind the concept. Poor Hollywood celebrities and NYC media moguls don't have a public-opinion-shaping voice to the people that can compete with bloggers in pajamas.

They only have movie studios, tv networks, newspapers, magazines and publishing houses. So Arrianna has provided a place where Bill Maher, Walter Cronkhite, Julia-Louis Dreyfuss, et al. can share the wisdom and political insight gleaned from attendance at hundreds of Bel Air and Upper West Side cocktail parties.

Feel free to ignore it. What will you miss if you do? See Part II...

A Tragedy

Where's the outrage about this?

This Blog is Back From the Dead

If necessary, I will carry this blog alone upon my broad, muscular shoulders.